


lover, be good to me

by Pline



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Firefam Feels, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Gen, Getting Together, Healing, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz, Sleep Paralysis, Temporary Hearing Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25429054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pline/pseuds/Pline
Summary: This is a collection of unrelated prompts first posted on my tumblr.(Summary of each story in the first chapter's notes)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 153
Kudos: 216





	1. wanna be held by you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter summaries**  
> 
> 
> 1 – Someone from the team realises that buck and eddie are in love  
> 2 – Buddie is dating but nobody of the firefam noticed  
> 3 – Buck goes to Bobby for advice on Eddie the same way he went for Abby  
> 4 – Buck has a flashback about the tsunami and wanders away bc he is searching for Chris, while out on a call but the team is busy and they don`t notice just after the rescue that Buck is missing. Worried team to search and be there for Buck  
> 5 – Buck's leg hurting while on shift  
> 6 – Deaf!Buck (temporarily) on a call  
> 7 – Chris and Buck go to a shop or park and they get separated and Buck kind of freaks out, with a bit of flash back, Eddie is here too  
> 8 – Christopher and Buck goes back to the pier, with Eddie  
> 9 – Buck comes out as bi in the dumbest way you can think of  
> 10 – Buck is out with Chris and Eddie (they're not together yet though) and Eddie overhears someone telling Buck that they have a beautiful son and Buck replying with thanks and when Eddie asks him about it Buck tells him that he gets it all the time.  
> 11 – From a prompt list, “I just needed to hear your voice.”  
> 12 – From a prompt list, “I can’t stay mad at you, and that pisses me off.”  
> 13 – From a prompt list, “I should have fought for us.” (Warning: Major Character Death)  
> 
> 
> .
> 
> I'm posting some prompts I have over on my tumblr [@bilbobagglns](https://bilbobagglns.tumblr.com)
> 
> Title from the song _Be_ by Hozier.

Chim is half-tempted to play a prank on Buck, just for having the nerve of falling asleep on the couch and leaving no space for anyone else. Lucky for Buck, unlucky for him, Chim is way too tired to move.

The station is silent, it’s the middle of the night and everyone is enjoying the lull in their shift to either catch on some sleep or just take a breather. From where he is sitting, Chim can see Eddie reading a book, a polar that he keeps saying is terrible but won’t stop reading anyway.

He knows that as soon as the bell rings, Chim will be on his feet, running towards the truck, wide alert, but for the moment, he wants to enjoy the slumber, lean into it. His body is slow, his thoughts sluggish almost.

It’s a good feeling. He can feel himself relax even more, though he knows he won’t fall asleep. His eyes are still on Buck, unseeing, and it takes him a while to realize that Buck is awake.

“Hey,” Chim says, more of a whisper than he intended. “You know we have beds, right?”

Buck does not answer, but Chim is too mellow to care. Maybe Buck’s fallen back to sleep.

Chim himself is about to close his eyes when he hears a small, choked whimper.

He’s upright before it registers.

Buck is breathing erratically, his eyes are wide and scared. He is still laying down, fully spread on the couch. His whole body looks tensed, stiffen.

“Buck, what’s wrong?” Chim asks, jumping to his friend’s side. He hears Eddie call after them but keeps his focus on Buck.

But Buck isn’t moving still, and his gaze is still fixed on Chim, his breathing is labored.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“It’s sleep paralysis,” Eddie says from behind Chim, who lets himself be moved. Eddie sits next to Buck, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. “Buck, look at me. None of what you’re seeing is real.”

The station is silent except from Buck’s choked breathing and Eddie’s soft voice, murmuring comforting words to a panicked Buck.

Chim has always known that these two gravitate towards one another, in a way that friends don’t. There is a pull between them that Chim always called attraction, but in that moment, he knows. It’s more than that.

It’s love.

When Buck is finally free from his sleep paralysis’ grip, falling into Eddie’s arms with reckless abandon, shaking and ragged, Chim can’t tear his eyes away.

The moment looks intimate, something that Chim shouldn’t be privy to, but he’s fascinated.

They can’t see each other’s faces. Chim can.

He sees the relief on Eddie’s face, the way his eyes shine too bright under the light of the station.

He sees the way Buck’s face shifts, no longer trembling and terrified, the way he buries himself in Eddie’s embrace, like this is the only place where he’ll ever find himself fully safe.

At last, Chim looks away. He can’t help the soft smile that warms itself on his lips.

Buck and Eddie may not be together yet, but they will be. He has no doubt about this.

This is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated 🥺


	2. good day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Prompt_  
>  Buddie is dating but nobody of the firefam noticed

Eddie has honestly not felt this happy in a very long time.

Every day with Christopher is a blessing and an endless joy, but the fact that he can share that joy with someone else just makes it all the more better.

Especially since that someone else is Buck.

It should have been obvious since their very first meeting that this is where they would end up – in love and together. Even though life got in the way, and it took them a while to get there, they did it, and so they are.

In love and together.

Sometimes Eddie stops and looks at Buck, and he thanks the skies for giving him everything he has always wanted, even if he did not know it until he had it.

They are coming up on their six month anniversary and Eddie knows Buck is cooking up a surprise. He can’t wait to see what it will be, but he already knows that he will love it.

Today is a good day. Eddie woke up right before his alarm started blasting, Buck had already been awake, and had prepared breakfast.

They even had a few minutes to themselves before Christopher woke up too. They dropped him off at school together before going to the station, and they did not encounter any mad traffic or angry driver –too rare in LA.

This whole morning has been so domestic, so perfect, that Eddie’s heart is soaring.

So, yes, today is a good day, and it will continue to be a good day because he has said so.

His mood does not dampen at all. Their calls are nothing crazy, no one dies. It’s such a gift, such a rare occurrence.

Eddie is happy.

So happy in fact, that he decides to break his own rule.

From the start of their relationship, both Buck and Eddie had decided not to show PDA at work. Work is work, and they can kiss and hold hands outside of it.

But today is such a good day, and Buck looks so cute, that he just can’t help himself.

He gives him a kiss, right there and then, because today is a happy day and Buck makes him the happiest.

The smile, soft and loving, that Buck gives him in return is worth the rule-breaking.

“What was that.”

Eddie turns to Chim whose eyes are wide with shock. Actually, every member of their team is staring at them, wearing the same expression of absolute surprise.

“Hm, a kiss?” he says, not understanding the big deal about it. Sure, they never kiss at work, but it’s not like they were making out.

He shares a bewildered look with Buck who shrugs, looking like he does not understand either.

“And why did you kiss him?” Hen asks, slowly like she is speaking to an unstable patient.

Eddie has never been so confused in his entire life.

“Because he’s cute and I wanted to?”

“Yeah, Hen. I’m cute. What’s the matter?”

Are they playing a prank on them? That’s the only explanation he has for the way they look, like Buck and Eddie just declared that they are giving up being firefighters to join the circus.

Though, they might have looked less shocked for that.

“Did you,” Chimney cuts himself off. His brows are furrowed and he looks like he is faced with the hardest math problem of his life. “Was that your first kiss?”

“What?” Eddie and Buck exclaim at the same time.

“No, this wasn’t our first kiss, dude,” Buck continues. At least, he looks as confused as Eddie feels. “I know we’ve been nothing but professionals at work, but you can’t exactly expect us to be monks. I mean, have you looked at Eddie? We have kissed, many times, and also – ”

“Yeah, stop right there,” Eddie rushes to say, his cheeks warm. “They don’t need to know that.”

Buck throws his hands, “Maybe they do if they ask such stupid questions.”

Eddie throws Bobby a pleading look. Bobby is a smart man, he will stop this before Eddie stops computing altogether.

Right?

So why is Bobby looking as confused as Hen and Chimney?

“Are you dating?”

That’s it. Eddie is sleeping. This is a dream. None of this is happening. Because if this isn’t a dream, the three of them need Oscar nominations for how well they’re playing the part.

“Bobby, are you okay?” Buck asks, worry clear on his face. “Are you having a stroke? Are you three having a stroke? Please, raise your arms up for me.”

“Wait, Buck,” Eddie says as realization hits him. “I don’t – I don’t think they know we’re dating.”

Buck freezes. Bobby, Hen and Chimney still haven’t moved from where they are standing.

“No,” Buck refutes. “No. They know.” He turns to his team. “You know, right? You know Eddie and I been dating for the past six months?”

“What the fuck,” Chim cries out at the same time Hen shouts, “Are you for real?”

Bobby’s mouth is hanging open, forming a perfect “o”.

Eddie’s hand finds Buck’s. How is this even happening, he thinks.

“You didn’t know?” Eddie asks. “How could you not know? We haven’t exactly been subtle.”

“You never said anything,” Chim protests.

“Bobby,” Eddie says, a little desperate. “We sent you the paperwork for HR.”

Their captain has the decency of looking contrite, “It was for HR, I probably just forwarded it to them.”

“Guys, we’ve been on double double dates with you,” Buck exclaims. “You and Maddie, Hen and Karen, and even once Bobby and Athena. Guys, what the hell.”

“We thought you were just being oblivious,” Hen says, voice higher than usual. “You’ve always acted like a damn couple! How were we supposed to know when it happened for real?”

Huh.

She does have a point.

Buck bursts out laughing, “Oh, this is so ridiculous.”

Soon, everyone is laughing with him, laughing till they cry because, yes, it is ridiculous. It’s insane even, but they are all crying with laughter, and Eddie feels right at home, laughing with his team, his hand still holding Buck’s.

“Wait,” Hen says when they stop. “How did it happen? I need to know if I won the bet.”

“You guys had a bet?” Buck says, sounding not at all offended.

Yes, Eddie thinks.

Today is indeed a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. guidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> Hi! If you have time can you write a story where Buck goes to Bobby for advice on Eddie the same way he went for Abby?

Buck asks Bobby to meet him at a park on their day off.

It’s a neutral place at least, and, if the conversation turns too awkward, Buck can always run away. Full-proof plan. It’s not that he is expecting to be chastised or that Bobby will laugh in his face, but he can never be so sure.

Especially with what Buck wants to talk about.

He is seconds away from texting Bobby with an excuse and pretend that this never happened when his captain shows up, wearing the small happy smile he gets around Buck.

It’s a little awkward at first, mostly because of Buck, but soon they are both walking in the park, talking as easily as they have ever, enjoying the sunny day.

“There is something I wanted to talk to you about,” Buck says when the conversation lulls. “I don’t know who else to ask.”

“You can tell me anything, Buckaroo. You know that.”

Buck nods, his gaze fixed on his shoes. They have stopped walking, he didn’t notice.

“Am I a good person, Bobby?” he blurts out.

To say that Bobby is startled by the question would not begin to cover his captain’s reaction. To be fair, this isn’t what Buck wanted to say either, but now that he has asked it, he finds he desperately needs the answer.

“What kind of – ” Bobby splutters. “Of course you are a good person, Buck. Where is this even coming from?”

Buck can only shrug, not trusting himself to speak without crying. Is he, really?

“Talk to me, Buck.”

“I’m scared,” he admits. “I’m terrified that I’m going to screw it all up like I have everything in my life.”

“What do you mean?”

Bobby is patient, kind despite his clear worry over Buck’s question. It’s more than Buck deserves.

“I’m in love with Eddie.”

“Oh.”

They stay silent for a second, it feels like forever to Buck. Then, finally, Bobby makes a little humming sound in the back of his throat, like there is something that he wants to say but isn’t saying.

Instead, he takes Buck by the elbow and leads him towards a nearby bench.

“What are you scared about?” Bobby asks as gently as he can.

“I ruin things. That’s what I do. I keep messing up everything, and Eddie and Christopher? I _can’t_ mess that up. They are the best thing in my life. What if this destroys everything?”

“Buck, you don’t ruin things. You’ve made mistakes, yes, but we all have, and you bring a lot of happiness in a lot of people’s lives, mine included.”

He has to look away under the intensity of his captain’s gaze. It’s too bright, too certain.

“What are you afraid of?” Bobby continues. “Eddie loves you too, and even if I’m wrong and he doesn’t love you like that, he would never push you away.”

He so wants to believe it.

“Let’s say he loves me, just for the sake of the argument. We get together and all that. What happens when I mess it up? I know I’m too much and I drive people crazy. What happens when Eddie wakes up one day and realizes he deserves better?”

“Is it really how you see yourself?”

Bobby looks like he has been punched, breath cut short and wide-eyed. Buck doesn’t answer which, in itself, is too big an answer already.

“Buck, none of this is true. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re a good man, a man that I am proud to know, that I am proud to call my friend.”

The way Bobby says it, strong and true, and like he’d be ready to fight anyone who suggested otherwise, quiets some of Buck’s insecurities.

“Thanks, Cap’,” Buck whispers, unable to talk any louder, fearing it might break the moment.

“Tell Eddie how you feel. He loves you too.”

“Alright,” he manages to say, forcing a laugh out. “If this all goes to hell, I’ll be blaming you.”

“I’m fine with that.”

They share a smile and both understand what neither are saying. They love each other, like a father loves a son and a son loves a father, though they can’t bring themselves to voice it yet.

Buck knocks their shoulders together before getting up.

“Come on,” he says. “All this talk about feelings made me hungry. I’m buying the ice cream.”

* * *

The next day, Buck finds Bobby before their shift starts.

“You were right,” Buck says simply and he could not hide his happiness if he tried.

Bobby’s lips turn up into a bright grin, and Buck can’t help but respond in kind.

“I’m so happy for you, Buckaroo.”

“Thank you.”

“Though you’re gonna get to fill up some paperwork.”

And Buck can complain all that he wants, no one is fooled. He doesn’t mind.

He’s too happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment if you liked, please!


	4. keep me close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Prompt_  
>  Buck has a flashback about the tsunami and wanders away bc he is searching for Chris, while out on a call but the team is busy and they don`t notice just after the rescue that Buck is missing. Worried team to search and be there for Buck
> 
>  **Warning**  
>  Buck has a flashback of the tsunami

There is water all around.

Buck can hear the quiet sounds of the waves.

No. That’s not right.

There is water all around.

It’s violent and it’s rushing past them, taking them away.

Christopher.

Where is Christopher?

There is water all around and Buck can’t find Christopher.

* * *

“Where is Buck?”

Eddie looks up at Hen’s sudden question, but he can’t find Buck. Surely, he can’t be very far, can he? They are in the middle of a call. Yet, as far as his eyes can see, there is no Buck – just the beach, the ocean and curious people looking in.

Where has Buck gone?

“Buckley,” Bobby calls in the radio. “Where are you?”

They wait. No answer comes. Tension grows, unnamed.

“Hen, Chim, bring the patient to the hospital,” Bobby orders. “Eddie and I will stay behind to find Buck.”

Though it’s clear Hen and Chimney would prefer to stay and help searching for their friend, they know that the patient – a woman who fell and broke her arm – needs them more.

“Keep us updated,” Hen says before climbing into the ambulance, and they are gone.

Bobby tries the radio again. Still, there is no answer.

Eddie’s heart tightens painfully in his chest. Buck would never leave a call like this, unless he had a good reason but he would still answer the radio, would have still warned them before leaving.

What could have happened to him in broad daylight that they missed?

“Excuse me?”

Eddie turns to see a woman, mid-forties, flanked by a teenager.

“There is one of your people by one of the stands. I don’t think he’s okay.”

Bobby and Eddie barely even thank the woman before they are running towards where she pointed. It doesn’t take that long before they find Buck.

He is walking along the pier, his whole body tensed and shaking.

“Buck!”

Buck doesn’t turn.

Bobby is the first to catch up to him, and he places himself in front of Buck – careful not to touch him.

“Buckaroo,” he says, softly. “Where are you going?”

He doesn’t react. There is no blood on him, no injury that they can see.

“Buck?” Bobby repeats. “What’s wrong?”

Finally, Buck’s gaze falls on Bobby. It’s like he’s seeing through him, like he is not there with them but far away, somewhere they can’t go with.

“Cap’?” he sounds lost, confused.

“Yeah, Buckaroo. I’m here.”

Buck’s face falls, confusion replaced by despair and shame.

“I lost Christopher, Bobby. I can’t find him.”

Eddie’s legs almost give from under him. Anguish wash over him because suddenly, he knows.

Buck is living through the tsunami again.

Buck is having a flashback.

Even now, Buck is still searching for Christopher.

“Oh, Buckaroo,” Bobby breathes out, sounding as heartbroken as Eddie feels but doing a better job at holding himself up. “Christopher is alright. You found him.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Buck insists – his eyes are distant. “I _lost_ him.”

Taking a deep breath, Eddie forces himself to move. He needs to be there for his friend, the one who holds his heart. Prisoner of his trauma, Buck’s worry is still not for himself, but for Christopher, for a kid he loves like he was his own son.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers. “Christopher is safe, you saved him.”

“Eddie, I – ”

“You’re alright, I got you. Christopher is safe. You hear me? You saved him. You’re always saving him, saving us.”

Buck blinks. Tears fall down his cheeks. He looks so small, and Eddie has to resist the need to envelop him into a hug.

“Do you know where you are?” Bobby asks, barely above a whisper.

“The pier,” Buck replies, voice shaking. “The water – “

“Look around. Everything is alright, do you see it?”

“Christopher – ”

“Christopher is safe,” Eddie repeats, gentle. “You’re safe.”

A shuddered breath escapes Buck. Eddie knows that he is back with them, even if he still looks shaken and lost.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s alright, Buckaroo,” Bobby says. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Can I hug you?” Eddie asks.

“Please,” Buck rasps out.

He crumbles under Eddie’s hold, shaking, crying, but Eddie never wavers. He keeps Buck close, keeps him safe like Buck has kept Christopher safe.

To himself, he promises that he will never let Buck go ever again, and when Buck has calmed down, Eddie will swear it to him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're liking these prompts 🥺


	5. weight of the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> I am so sorry but i love the way you write Buck whump so maybe something with his leg hurting while on shift

Buck knows he is apt to work. He has had to fight his way back to the 118 – both physically with the physiotherapy, and mentally through his depressive episodes and the lawsuit.

But he is back now, and he won’t let anything take it from him.

Not even the pain flaring up in his leg.

He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming, and when no one is looking he massages the aching flesh.

It’s his fault in the first place, he can bear it.

Why did he have to forget his pain pills in his locker? He knows his leg can flare up at any time, and that if he takes the pill right away, he can work through it.

He is lucky enough that they haven’t had a physically demanding call yet, but the calls keep coming. Relief won’t come anytime soon.

He can bear it.

He can.

* * *

Maybe if he says it enough, he will.

* * *

An eternity after his leg started aching, the team finally gets back to the station.

Buck has tuned the world out. He exists only in this moment, in this all-encompassing pain – it’s so raw now that, if he isn’t careful enough, he will find himself back under that truck, the weight of it crushing him, body and mind.

Having his leg on fire would hurt less. The inside of his mouth is filled with blood from biting his tongue and his cheeks. Breathing takes all of his focus, in an out through the terrible waves of pain.

He hates this. He has done the reeducation, he has taken the treatments, he does the exercises still. But it’s not enough. This pain will never leave him, it will always find a way to remind itself to him.

In a way, he will never escape that firetruck.

If his friends talk to him, he doesn’t hear them, and, as if his body knew reprieve was close, it finds a way to betray him one more time.

His leg gives out from under him just as he reaches the locker room.

This time, he can’t hold back his scream.

“Buck, what’s wrong?”

In moments like those, he almost wishes he’d lost the leg, because nothing can be worth that agony. It takes everything from him, his breath, his thoughts, until he is left with nothing more than a broken body and the throbbing burning ache in his leg, and that ache, so loud, spreads all over and becomes all that he knows.

There’s movement next to him and, without thinking, he reaches out and grabs. His grip must be hard enough to bruise, but whoever he is holding onto says nothing and does not move away.

“Buckaroo, talk to us. What’s wrong?”

“Locker,” he whispers brokenly. “Pain pills.”

He doesn’t allow himself to move even the slightest of muscle until he feels something being pressed through his lips, and then he takes the bottle given to him to swallow down the pill.

The relief isn’t instantaneous, far from it, but maybe because his body knows it’s coming, Buck finds himself relaxing enough to open his eyes.

“You’re back with us?” Bobby asks with a gentle smile, though worry is apparent in his eyes.

His friends are kneeling on the ground with him, not caring one bit about it. Their only focus is on him and he shudders under the full strength of it.

“Sorry.”

“Can you go one day without apologizing for something that’s not your fault?” Chim asks, and that’s only when Buck notices that it’s his arm that he has been holding onto. He lets go.

“I’m – sorry.”

“Buck,” Hen chastises but she’s smiling, relieved to see that he is feeling better.

“What happened?” Eddie asks softly, his hand is on Buck’s back, a warm and steady presence.

Buck is hit by another wave of pain, duller this time, but he still winces. He does not want to be ashamed by something he has no control over.

Yet, he is.

“Buckaroo,” Bobby calls. “Talk to us.”

It’s not an order, but Buck can’t do nothing but obey his captain.

“It’s my leg. Sometimes it bothers me, but I have pills for it and usually it’s enough but – ”

He trails off. It was stupid of him to forget his medicine in his locker. He could have put the team at risk if they had needed him for a bigger call. He was stupid. He is stupid.

“You didn’t have the pills on you,” Eddie finishes for him.

“No,” he admits, ashamed.

Hen is the first to get up, and she offers Buck a hand and a smile.

“Come on,” she says. “The ground can’t be more comfortable than the couch.”

He has a moment of hesitation, but Eddie nudges him, and he takes Hen’s hand. He groans in pain as he stands even though he puts as much weight as he can on his other leg.

None of the team leave his side. Eddie keeps his arm on him, not coddling him, but present and comforting.

Bobby catches his gaze and holds it. Gently, he says, “Maybe ask for help once in a while.”

“I can do the job, Cap’. This doesn’t happen very often, and I have my p – ”

“I know you can do the job,” Bobby cuts, still smiling – softly. “Everyone does. But if you’re hurting, you can count on us to help. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”

The pain in his leg has dulled enough that Buck can finally breathe fully again, and, as he looks at his team surrounding him, he finds the strength that he needs.

Bobby is right.

He isn’t alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't know, I live for the firefam.


	6. silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Prompt_  
>  What about Deaf!Buck (temporarily) on a call??

The bomb explodes right as he steps into the house.

Its blast sends Buck fly up in the air and onto the ground, and then there’s nothing.

* * *

Everything is too much, too bright, too painful.

There are hands on him, touching him, coddling him, and he wants to push them away because he can’t breathe and he doesn’t know where he is or why he is in pain.

Everything hurts and he is too tired.

He wants to give in to the darkness but the hands are too persistent. He opens his eyes again, he hasn’t even noticed he had closed them in the first place.

The first thing to come into focus is Eddie. It’s always Eddie.

Eddie’s mouth is moving but Buck can’t hear what he is saying.

That’s only then that he notices the deafening ringing in his ears.

That’s the only thing he can hear – at all.

He tries to sit up and almost falls back down, hit by a wave of dizziness so strong he throws up all over himself. The same hands that have been touching him rush to hold him upright, hands that he knows now belong to his team.

Everything hurts. Everything is too much.

His head hurts. His ears ring too loudly.

He gives in, and blacks out again.

* * *

When he comes to again, the ringing is gone but so is every other sound.

He is in a hospital bed – hospitals are loud, he knows that for a fact. There are machines around him that he knows to be bipping. Hospitals are bursting with sound, even at night, yet, here, now, it’s silent.

Everything is silent – even the beating of his heart against his rib cage.

Maddie is in the room with him. She is smiling, relieved and teary-eyed, and talking to him but Buck can’t hear any of it.

“I can’t hear anything.”

She jumps, but Buck can’t say if it’s because of the volume of his voice or if it’s what he has just said.

Her mouth is moving again, fast – her smile is gone, her brows furrowed. He looks away, his gaze drops to his hands, focuses on them, unblinking, fearful that his tears will fall if he moves even in the slightest.

His whole world begins and ends at his hands. There is nothing else – no sound, no touch, nothing but his hands, dry and callused. He has cuts and scrapes on them, and he remembers the explosion.

He remembers being thrown in the air and to the ground, hitting his head before it went black. His only relief is that he was the one to open the door, not anyone else on his team.

He wants to close his eyes, fall asleep again and wake up and hear again, have everything be back to the way it used to be.

They will kick him out of the LAFD if he can’t hear.

He can’t have his dream be ripped away from him again, it would be too cruel. If there is some sort of fate, then it must hate him because he keeps having everything he has ever wanted be taken from him again, and again.

His sister’s hand falls on his, and when he still won’t tear his gaze away, she takes his chin and gently moves his head towards her.

She talks again. This time, she makes sure to move her mouth slow enough that he can read her lips.

 _I love you. It’s gonna be okay._

He wishes he could believe her.

* * *

Doctors aren’t sure if his sudden hearing loss is due to a head trauma or damage to the eardrum – or both.

They can’t do anything for him.

Buck can only wait.

Wait and see if his hearing comes back.

Wait and see if he is going to lose everything again.

Wait.

Surrounded by silence.

* * *

His team won’t leave him wallow in peace.

It’s like they have all decided that he should never be alone – he wouldn’t put it past them to have actually decided on that.

Truly, he loves them and he is touched by the concern, but what he actually wants is to be left alone to be miserable.

It’s been over 24 hours since he has woken up in the hospital and he has barely been alone since then. Maddie stayed with him until he left the hospital, then Bobby came to see him and stayed even as Buck took a nap.

Then it was Chimney who didn’t let Buck’s hearing loss be the reason he was going to let him win at poker.

Now, it’s Eddie and Christopher, and as much as Buck wants to be left alone, he can’t find it in him to wish they weren’t there.

Christopher has been very accommodating with Buck’s new condition. He is patient, even more so than Buck himself. Both know a bit of sign language – Buck because he wanted to learn the basics in case he needed it to communicate with someone on the job, and Christopher because he learned at school.

With Christopher buried in his side as they watch a movie with subtitles, and Eddie in the kitchen who insisted he could handle making dinner, Buck can’t help but feel like it’s going to be okay.

No matter what happens, he is not going to be alone.

Buck and Christopher jump up at the same time, and turn to see Eddie looking sheepish, wearing a contrite expression. A frying pan is on the floor.

Eddie’s mouth moves, but Buck stays still.

“I – I heard that.”

Christopher moves, he is talking and Buck does not understand what he is saying but he is hearing it – it’s distant, as if Buck was stuck in a bubble and the sounds didn’t go quite through.

But he is hearing it.

His hearing is coming back.

Though he can’t quite hear yet Eddie and Christopher’s cheering, he can feel the rumble of it as they hold him close.

* * *

* * *

Buck sets foot in the station, and it’s as loud as he has always known it to be.

He smiles, ready to get back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a longer version of this where Buck loses his hearing permanently in the work, but I haven't written for it in a while. Maybe I should get back to it?


	7. safe in your arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> I was thinking about something like Chris and Buck goes to a shop or park and they get separated and Buck kind of freaks out, with a bit of flash back. If you can add Eddie in somehow that would be the coolest. :)
> 
>  **Warning**  
>  Buck has a flashback of the tsunami

Buck turns his head and the next thing he knows, Christopher is gone.

There are people all around, this is one of L.A.’s most frequented malls and there are too many people, and Buck can’t see Christopher.

“Christopher!”

People turn around, look at him, but he still can’t see Christopher.

Where is he? Where has he gone? He was just there and Buck only looked away for the briefest of moment.

“Christopher!”

Buck feels like he’s drowning and he’s trying to fight his way back to the surface but the wave is too strong and it’s taking him down and he can’t breathe and he can’t find Christopher and Christopher is gone gone gone –

“Buck.”

Eddie.

No Eddie will hate him, he’s lost his son, _again_ , no no no –

“Buck, listen to me. Christopher is safe, he was with me. He is here, he is safe.”

Christopher.

Christopher is here, he is safe.

There is no wave, no water – no danger.

Buck inhales again, sharp and broken, before he drops to the ground, enfolds Christopher into a tight embrace, careful not to hurt him.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” he whispers. “I thought I’d lost you.”

He feels arms embrace the both of them.

“You didn’t,” Eddie says, soft and gentle. “We’re all here, we’re all safe.”

Buck can’t say how long the three of them stay there, in the middle of the busy mall, but he doesn’t care. He needs the reassurance that his boys are safe.

The water has long receded.

Christopher is safe.

They are all safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short but I still hope you liked it.


	8. peaceful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> Christopher and Buck goes back to the pier, with Eddie please

Buck used to like the ocean.

He used to surf even, he wasn’t that good at it but he could stay upright long enough to ride a wave, and he would enjoy the sensation of freedom, of flying almost.

He hasn’t been back to the ocean since the tsunami.

It’s not that he is scared, he tells himself. He just hasn’t had the opportunity yet.

(No matter if his surf buddies have reached out to him a few times to see if he wanted to ride waves with them, and he had only given them fakes excuses about why he couldn’t.)

So no, Buck is not scared.

But for all that he can lie to himself, he can never lie to Christopher.

“Are you scared of the ocean, Buck?”

Buck stares at that brave, brave kid, and he finds that he can’t lie anymore. Yes, he is scared. He still dreams of the waves dragging him down, away from Christopher. He dreams of drowning and death and destruction.

How could he lie to Christopher? Make him feel shame for being scared?

“Yeah, buddy,” Buck says softly. “A little bit. What about you?”

“A little bit too.” Christopher pauses. “But I don’t like being scared. I want to stop being scared.”

Once more, Buck is overwhelmed with love and admiration for this incredible kid. The kid who never gives up, who kept swimming even in a tsunami.

The bravest of them all.

“What do you want to do?” Buck asks, though he thinks he already knows the answer.

“I want to go back to the pier. With you and Dad.”

And Buck can’t deny him anything, or worse, disappoint him. He has to be strong for Christopher, for the both of them.

“If you’re sure, then yes. We can go, of course.”

“Right now?”

One look out the window informs him that evening is closing in, the sky not yet darkening but it will be night soon enough.

Yet he knows, he can’t imagine the amount of strength it must have taken Christopher to even just ask the question. He can’t let go of that chance, that courage.

“I’ll go ask your Dad.”

Eddie says yes, of course. He too understands the momentum of the request, the enormity of it, and the gleam in Eddie’s eyes is proud as they get ready to leave.

* * *

The ocean used to soothe Buck.

Now, as he is looking at it, he only wants to run. The feel on Christopher’s hand in his, and the warmth of Eddie’s body by his side, is what keeps him in place.

Night is falling, the water looks dark and endless, but it also looks beautiful. Thesun hasn’t fully set yet, and its last rays reflect across the water, color the sky with shades of purples and blues and yellows.

“You’re alright?”

Buck knows Eddie is asking the question to him as much as he is asking it to Christopher.

“I’m okay, Dad. The ocean can’t hurt me if I’ve got you and Buck.”

With his family around him, Buck knows that Christopher is right. Together, they can handle anything.

* * *

In a few days, they will come back again, and this time, they will even reach the water.

Until then, they stare out at the ocean below them, quiet and cool.

Peaceful.


	9. sweet shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Prompt_  
>  buck comes out as bi in the dumbest way you can think of (humor and no angst please please)
> 
> **Warning**  
>  Mentions of sexual acts

“My gag reflex is almost nonexistent,” Buck is saying as Bobby approaches, and suddenly Bobby wants nothing more but to turn around and pretends like he has never heard any of this.

He doesn’t though. The look on Eddie’s face keeps him in place.

“How would you even know that?” Chimney asks, laughing.

“Oh, you know, here and there,” Buck replies, straight-faced, “sucking dick.”

Chimney is hit by a sudden coughing fit. Hen only groans, shaking her head. Eddie on the other hand – Eddie seems like he has ceased to function entirely.

Bobby allows himself an amused smile. He is almost tempted to snap a quick picture of Eddie’s wide eyes.

“Is this really how you’ve decided to come out to us?” Hen asks, dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Buck says and he laughs. “The look on your faces. I’m glad I didn’t tell you all that I was bi before. Damn.”

He looks very proud of himself.

“You’re really bi?” Chim asks when he’s composed again.

“Yeah,” Buck is still smiling but one would have to be blind to mistake the sudden tightness of his shoulders. “Got a problem with it?”

“No,” Chim replies, almost fond. “I don’t have a problem with you being bi. I have a problem with how you decided to come out, dumbass.”

“Are we really surprised he did it like this?” Hen asks, and she winks at Buck. “This is Buckaroo we’re talking about.”

Whatever Buck is about to say is cut by his phone’s ringing.

“It’s Maddie,” he says, getting up. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as he is out of sight, three pairs of eyes fall on Eddie. He still hasn’t not moved an inch, his gaze, unseeing, is still fixed on the seat Buck has vacated.

“Everything okay, my dearest Eddie?” Hen asks with false innocence.

“You’ve got something on your mind?” Chim continues, not hiding his glee.

“I’m fine,” Eddie answers through his teeth.

Bobby can’t help the snort that escapes him. Eddie is red in the face and he looks like he is about to combust any second.

They all watch with open amusement as Eddie suddenly erupts into movement, standing up so fast he needs to catch himself to the table so he doesn’t fall over.

“I – there’s something I need to do,” he says and he tries really hard to keep a dignified expression.

“More like someone to do,” Chim jokes.

Eddie opens his mouth to protest but no sound comes out. Hen, who has until then managed to keep a straight face, bursts out laughing, loud and joyous.

He sends them a indignant look and then he’s leaving – going, of course, in the direction Buck went towards.

“Nothing inappropriate at work,” Bobby calls after him.

Hen’s laughter only double, joined now by Chimney.

And when Buck and Eddie come back afterwards, blushing and holding hands, they bear their friends’ teasing with big happy smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only type of drama I want for Buck's coming out in canon lol


	10. beautiful son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Prompt_  
>  Can you write something where Buck is out with Chris and Eddie (they're not together yet though) and Eddie overhears someone telling Buck that they have a beautiful son and Buck replying with thanks and when Eddie asks him about it Buck tells him that he gets it all the time. And then whatever Eddie's reaction may be :D thank you!

“You two have a beautiful son,” the woman coos.

“He truly is one of a kind,” Buck replies, a proud soft smile on his lips. “Thank you.”

* * *

Eddie does not know how to bring it up to Buck. He knows he wasn’t supposed to hear it, that Buck hadn’t noticed him.

He could not describe what he is feeling if he tried.

Why didn’t Buck correct the woman?

Why does it make Eddie so happy that he didn’t?

* * *

He can’t stop thinking about it.

_He truly is one of a kind. Thank you._

Buck hadn’t even blinked at the implication that Christopher was his son. He had just smiled and thanked her – and what a smile too, loving, gentle. The smile of a father looking at his child.

Should Eddie feel threatened? Should he be feeling annoyance? Should he be angry?

He is none of those things.

* * *

It’s three days later that he finally brings it up.

“I heard you.”

Buck looks up, amused but confused, beer bottle stilled in front of his mouth before he could take a sip.

“Heard me? I talk a lot, I’ve been told, so you might need to be a little more precise.”

Eddie aims for nonchalance, knowing very well that he is failing at it.

“At the park, on Sunday. There was a woman. She said that, we had a beautiful son.”

“Oh. Oh.”

Buck puts the bottle down, much too delicately not to be deliberated.

“You said thank you,” Eddie can’t keep it inside of him any longer.

“I did.”

Silence grows between them, thick, oppressive almost. Eddie isn’t sure if he should say something, maybe ask Buck to explain or explain himself, though he can’t place what he is feeling.

“It’s just,” Buck blurts out suddenly, like he can’t keep silent any longer. “People always assume he’s my kid, you know, and I just don’t – ”

He stops mid-sentence, blushes. His eyes are wide with frenzy.

“You don’t correct them,” Eddie finishes for him.

“No. I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“Would you huh – do you want me to stop? I will if you want.”

“No,” Eddie rushes to say before he has even had time to think it through. “I don’t want you to stop.”

“You don’t?”

God, this is so awkward, Eddie thinks as he watches the tensed lines of Buck’s face, the way his shoulders are held, high and strung. He’s no better, of course.

It’s time to stop lying to himself. Eddie knows, he has always known why he doesn’t care that Buck doesn’t correct people when they assume Christopher is his kid.

Why he likes the idea even.

“Listen, Buck. You love Christopher as much as I do. I know that. And he loves you too. So no, I don’t mind – at all.”

Buck softens, yet Eddie can read some hesitation in him still.

“Even  
if people think that we’re together?”

“No, I don’t mind that either.”

“We’re not though,” Buck points out, looking almost unsure – Eddie does not know if he is unsure of his reaction or the truth of the statement.

“We could be.”

“We could?”

Eddie’s heart is beating so hard and so fast that he might just faint at any given moment, but he is not one to give up. He soldiers on.

“I liked it, when you basically called Christopher your son. Because really, he is. And I want us three to be a family, because I love you, and Chris loves you, and we’re happy together.”

It’s not easy, saying the words. Eddie has never found it easy to be open like that, but for Buck – Buck who wears his heart on his sleeve, Buck who looks at him with the softest eyes – he has to try.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, impossibly tender. “It’s more than okay.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

They stare at each other for the longest time, just beaming, and to the outside world they would probably look like a couple of idiots wearing identical dopey smiles, but there is no one else with them right now. They can enjoy that happiness as long as they want.

“I’m gonna kiss you now,” Buck warns, still smiling. He doesn’t move.

“You’re not kissing me, Buck.”

And then he is.

They are smiling so wide it’s barely even kissing, but it’s the best kiss Eddie has ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I think I'm done for today! I'm sorry, I hope I wasn't too annoying posting all these prompts at once.
> 
> Don't forget to leave comments please! Though I'm not taking prompts at the moment, it's the best way to ensure writers to keep on writing.
> 
> And now I'll go back to writing Leave My Body.


	11. hear your voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> "I just needed to hear your voice."

Loud. It’s all loud.

Buck needs quiet but, right now, even the calmest place on Earth would be a racket.

The problem isn’t the world, it’s him. He’s always the problem – take him out of any equation and the math become easy.

Buck complicates everything, always unpredictable, always a burden.

There is only one thing that could help quiet the storm raging inside his soul, that could quiet the cries that echo on and on of all the people he has failed to save – he won’t ask for it.

Who is he to demand that Eddie drops everything to pander to his weaknesses?

Buck can deal with this. He just won’t sleep tonight, and maybe he won’t sleep for a few days, but why should it matter? As long as he can do his work, no one has to worry about him.

So why does his heart ache at the thought? Why does his hand betray him, reaching for his phone?

He stares and stares at Eddie’s name and his thumb hovers over it but the air thickens, becomes an impossible border of nothingness he can’t cross.

The world is still loud and he wants to cry. Maybe he should scream too, maybe if he becomes loud too it will drown his own pain.

But his pain drowns him instead, he can’t breathe, he can’t think, he is prisoner of his thoughts, of his memories. His body has always felt too small for his soul, he’s always known one day it would break apart against the weight of all that he’s feeling and today is the day.

His storm rages on and on and on and then – then it stills, suspended, and he, confused, lost, stands in this quiet bubble of a moment, searching for what broke the spell.

A sound, that’s what cut through all the other noise.

Buck blinks at his phone.

Eddie is calling him.

Breath shuddering, Buck answers, hoping that his voice won’t betray his turmoil.

“Hey, man. You good?”

“No,” Eddie replies, doing nothing to hide how tired he is. “Not really. That last call – ”

_No! She’s not dead! Bring her back! Bring my baby back! You have to do something! Do something!_

“What can I do?” Buck is quick to ask because all his pain disappears when faced with someone else’s, because his pain doesn’t matter as much.

“You’re doing enough. It’s – I just needed to hear your voice.”

Oh.

“I’m here, Eddie, I’m always here.”

_I’m always here for you._

Maybe Buck isn’t as alone as he has always thought he was. Maybe he can ask for help, and maybe, just maybe, he can help the ones he loves too when their own storms become too much to bear.

And so they speak, about anything, everything, and Los Angeles is loud but inside of Buck’s apartment and inside of Eddie’s house across from town, the whole world is quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this!


	12. give you the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> "I can't stay mad at you, and that pisses me off."

As a whole, Buck and Eddie don’t argue a lot.

Well, of course, there was the issue of the lawsuit and everything that came with it, but that’s in the past. They have learned from this and they have grown from it.

Ultimately, the issue had been because they hadn’t known how to communicate properly.

They don’t let that happen anymore.

Everyone says it – they’re in sync.

It comes easy to them, yes, it’s true, but it’s also something they work on.

They understand each other because they talk, because they share things about themselves they have never shared with anyone else.

Clicking with someone isn’t enough to build a lasting relationship, it’s just a start.

Relationships need work and Buck and Eddie work on their friendship more than most other relationships in their lives.

In truth, their friendship is one of the constant of their lives, something they can always count on. Like the sun rising in the morning or the stars shining at night, Eddie has Buck and Buck has Eddie and they have Christopher.

Buck and Eddie don’t argue a lot, but sometimes they do.

Neither could say how it started.

Maybe it started because Buck forgot to get the clothes out of the dryer and fold them like he said he would.

Maybe it started because Eddie risked his life again to save a patient.

Or maybe it started because they are in love with each other but are still pining away, unable to see what’s in front of them and the tension is slowly wearing at their brains.

The fact remains that they’re sulking.

Both fail to mention that Buck doesn’t actually live at the Diaz’s place and that he could leave for his own apartment if he so desired.

Instead, they both go around fixing dinner together, without talking or looking – for too long, only glances – at one another.

Christopher either doesn’t notice or he’s too used to his father and his father’s best friend’s behavior to mention the awkward air around them tonight.

Or he does notice and that’s why he goes to read in his room by himself instead of watching TV with them in the living room.

That leaves the two men alone, still mad about something they don’t remember, but unable to stay apart for too long anyway.

Buck might be glancing at Eddie, trying to be discreet, and that might be how he knocks his head on the cabinet’s opened door, but no one can prove it and so he won’t say.

“Ouch,” Buck exclaims, his hand reaching where his skull made the door’s acquaintance.

Eddie snorts.

And then Eddie catches himself snorting and tries to smooth his face into a more neutral expression – he doesn’t succeed.

Buck can’t help but laugh a little too. He can’t help it, this is just too ridiculous. When Eddie sees his best friend smiling, he sighs without heat and smiles too.

“I can’t stay mad at you and that pisses me off,” Eddie declares, half-amused, half-annoyed by the fact.

And because Buck doesn’t think before he speaks, he says, “Want to do something about it?”

And because Buck doesn’t know when to back down, he stares at Eddie with challenge in his eyes.

And because Eddie doesn’t know how to refuse a challenge, he takes that step.

Relationships take work, that’s true, but some things take no work at all.

Kissing each other is one of those easy things – the easiest thing in fact, and so to prove it, they kiss again and again.

They will never remember what started that mindless fight, but they are thankful for it anyway.

Sometimes, all you need to click, is a little tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment please 🥺🥺


	13. the great emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Prompt_
> 
> "I should have fought for us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Major Character Death**

Eddie stares.

He wants to look away, walk away even – he can’t bring himself to.

He is rooted in place, numb to the world, numb to the people around him.

He doesn’t have it in him to be strong right now. Christopher isn’t here to see his father shell-shocked and trembling and so, for the time being, Eddie allows himself to break.

There are so many emotions swirling through him that he can’t feel any of them at all. Though, distantly, as if not quite himself, he feels tears falling from his eyes.

Nothing is making sense. Nothing can ever make sense again.

How could it, now that Buck is dead?

Someone tries to talk to him, tries calling his name, touching his arm.

Eddie doesn’t hear, feel or see any of it.

Even if he closed his eyes, all that he would know is Buck, laying in this cold hospital bed – lifeless. And it’s Eddie who put him there.

Everything is Eddie’s fault.

It seems like he is doomed to love people to their deaths.

None of this would have happened if Eddie had been braver, if he had told Buck what he meant to him instead of hiding behind comfortable lies of uncomplicated friendship.

Then, they wouldn’t have fought that morning after yet another night spent together.

Buck wouldn’t have had to beg for scraps of Eddie’s heart, heart that already belonged to him and him alone.

Eddie had kept avoiding naming what they had for fear that naming it would make it more real, and so more at risk of being lost.

If Eddie had confessed, if Eddie had put his doubts to rest, then they wouldn’t have fought against one another but would have stood together, facing whatever came, together.

If Eddie had confessed, Buck would not have been distracted by their fight.

He would still be alive.

For so long, Eddie was scared of losing Buck if he opened his heart to him, but now he has lost him anyway.

Something stirs inside him – regret, shame, guilt.

“I should have fought for us,” he whispers to the forever still form of his best friend, lover, soulmate.

And, at last, his grief hits.

The weight of a mountain falling against him would not hurt anywhere near as much as the pain he is feeling.

He falls to the floor. Arms wrap themselves around him but he can’t tell who they belong to.

There is only one pair of arms he wants to bury himself in.

But it’s too late. It’s too late.

His chance at happiness has come and gone, all because he was too afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah! What did you think of this?


End file.
